An old friend referenced this at dinner last night:

Last month, Nevermind turned 19, which means Nirvana’s most popular album is nearly as old now as Woodstock was when the album was released on September 24, 1991.

http://www.avclub.com/articles/part-1-1990-once-upon-a-time-i-could-love-you,45892/

And it freaked me out.

The post above is from last year (obvi I’m a little tardy to this party) but it got me thinking, really thinking, about the passage of time. How quickly or slowly it moves relative to pleasure. How its grays ultimately lighten and fade. How moments stay with you forever or disappear quietly like wisps of smoke in the wind.

Dance at parties. Say no to no. Stay away from shoulder pads. Be young at heart. That’s the game plan.  

But the celebration of youth instills a fear of aging. Observing obnoxious pukes at the movies or reckless co-eds at a bar always leaves me torn. Am I annoyed with the lack of self-awareness? Or envious of youthful indiscretion? 

I recently watched Courtney Martin’s TED talk on “Reinventing Feminism” and feminism aside, she touched upon three paradoxes of growing up: 

Paradox 1: Growing up is rejecting the past and then promptly reclaiming it. 

Paradox 2: Sobering up about our smallness and maintaining our faith in greatness all at once.

Paradox 3: Aiming to succeed wildly and being fulfilled by failing really well. 

Very fortune cookie-esque, but I find beauty in her juxtapositions. It feels irresponsible and wizened all at once. Is it nonsensical or admirable to reject beliefs we stubbornly and steadfastly defended at one time? To never see someone you once loved? To really fuck it up when you know you couldn’t have tried harder? Who fucking knows?

I used to view growing up as an exchange of cool for sensible, as if the two couldn’t coexist. I like this paradoxical view better.

I like thinking that growing up is a series of oddly shaped riddles. But it doesn’t matter if the answer comes to you right away because they will ultimately assemble to form something bigger in the end. A life worthy of reflection.

Courtney Martin:

My mom and so many women like her have taught me that life is not about glory, or certainty, or security even. 

It’s about embracing the paradox. 

It’s about acting in the face of overwhelm. 

And it’s about loving people really well. 

And at the end of the day, these things make for a lifetime of challenge and reward.

http://www.ted.com/talks/courtney_martin_reinventing_feminism.html